A Friendly Wager
by BlackOps04
Summary: A familiar wager is made on a new battlefield. Who will stand victorious?
1. Chapter 1

A Friendly Wager

From the open hatch of his Tiger heavy tank, the German commander ordered his company forward, down the single road. "_This damn road,_" he thought, "_is a death trap_." Yet, his superior insisted on pushing straight down it towards the enemy Headquarters. With his Sturmtruppen leading the way, his valuable Tiger followed behind; flanked on either side by StuH '42 assualt guns. Their massive cannons would be needed for the inevitable entrenched defenses that were waiting for them.

Almost immediately, his men came under fire and the attack stalled. Just as he suspected would happen, a pair of machine gun nests pinned down his infantry while a 57mm anti-tank gun fortified by sand bags took shots at his tanks vulnerable flanks from the side of the road. And he couldn't see them until he was right on top of them thanks to the damn hedgerows.

"All panzers units," he ordered over the radio, "support the infantry and attack those defenses!" He was redirecting his tanks when a squad of four friendly Fallshirmjagers sprung out of a nearby building and assaulted the enemy from behind. Incendiary grenades sailing and FG-42 assault rifles singing, the men manning the AT-gun died in hail of bullets while the occupants of one machinegun nest burned alive. "What a cruel business this is," he muttered as the second machinegun nest was blown to pieces by his Tiger's fearsome 88mm gun.

His Storm Troopers and the Fallshirmjagers pushed forward they began exchanging fire with British Tommies and American GIs, the forward elements of an Allied counterattack. Then came the whine of an incoming American P-47 Thunderbolt, swooping in for a strafing run.

Those damn planes had been plaguing the Axis forces throughout this engagement. But it was fortunate he was still near his staging area, since the Luftwaffe commander finally had his nasty surprise ready for them. Before the Mustang could unleash a deadly stream of bullets into his men, it met with a thunderous duet from a pair of Flak '88 anti-aircraft batteries. Spiraling in flames, it crashed into the hedgerows behind his panzers.

Unfortunately, that now meant he now owed the bastard two favors for covering his ass. "Oh, no need to worry about that," the other officer said merrily to him over the radio, "I'm only performing my duty to ensure a great victory for our Brilliant Leader." The panzer commander grimaced at the picture of that guy's brightly smiling face while he said that.

"_Well, why don't you just kiss our 'Brilliant Commander's' ass a little bit harder_?" he thought sarcastically. Unfortunately, he didn't have any more time to dwell on his compatriot's queerness, as the Allied counter-attack had begun in earnest.

Joining the attack were a couple blocky British Cromwell medium tanks and a single Churchill heavy tank. The former was fast if not terribly powerful while the latter was a lumbering anti-tank sponge that was better at absorbing damage than dishing it out with the weak cannon it had stuck in that under-sized turret. _"Really, what was the point of having a tough tank with only a pop-gun as a weapon?"_

Along with them came five American M-10 tank destroyers and a pair of M-8 armored cars. The M-10's actually posed a threat to his panzers even though they had weak armor for tanks. The M-8's were only a nuisance to his tanks but they were going to be trouble for his infantry.

"_Seriously, the Allied tank designers need to get their heads out of their collective asses,_" he thought in disdain. After a couple more seconds of thought, "_Wait that works in our favor! Please just keep them safely tucked away in there!_"

As tank shells and bullets landed around his men, his Tiger lined up on an advancing M-10. The "Acht-Acht" roared and scored a critical hit with the first shot. The commander smirked as the tank burst into flame; requisitioning the most elite units available always paid dividends. While the turret rotated to its next target, he watched as his elite Sturmtruppen took out an armored car from the cover a crater with a Panzershreck anti-tank rocket and it spun out of control before crashing into a wall and exploding.

However, his men badly needed support; as the enemy would eventually overwhelm them with sheer numbers. This thought was punctuated by the sudden conflagration of the StuH '42 to his right. Then words of salvation came from a stoic voice over the radio, "Artillery inbound."

Securely behind Axis lines came the crashing report of Hummel self-propelled artillery as they opened fire on the advancing Allies. The heavy shells impacted all around the armor and infantry that had become bottlenecked on the road, rending steel and flesh alike. The commander grinned in satisfaction at the destruction of the core of the enemy's advance as his Tiger lined up on an M-10 that had attempted to flank them through the church courtyard south of him and slammed an 88mm shell into it. "_Always there to pull my hide out of the fire,_" he thought appreciatively. It was fitting for a guardian angel to command the artillery.

He was about to send his gratitude when his panzers suddenly came under fire from behind. American paratroopers had dropped in behind them with an antitank gun and remanned another whose crew had been killed. Crashing through the wreckage of the Allied tanks ahead of it, the largely undamaged Churchill cleared the way for two more M-10s and unleashed a jet of flames on the axis infantry. As the Tiger finished off the M-10 it had been firing at he saw squads of paratroopers with recoilless rifles taking positions around the church on his exposed flank. The Wehrmacht commander's shock turned to fear when his Tiger's engine was destroyed by an anti-tank shell and he realized just how completely screwed he was. "_Is this really going to be how everything ends?_"

Then a powerful tank shell flew past his Tiger and sent the Churchill up in flames. He looked in surprise behind him to see a King Tiger supported by a trio of versatile Panther panzers. Hellfire in the form of incendiary shells came raining down on the antitank guns ahead of the advancing panzers, burning the crews alive. Loud propaganda broadcasts sent the paratroopers fleeing in terror while Henschel ground attack aircraft rumbled over head and pummeled the surviving Allied armor with anti-tank shells.

Once again the Axis held the initiative. "_And I can call in some Pioneers and take a breather._"

As the Panthers raced ahead to engage the retreating enemy tanks he heard his "Brilliant Leader's" triumphant rallying cry, "They're running away! Everyone after them!" With a grimace he thought contemptuously "_Nice of you to show up at the last minute and make like the hero, you glory hound!"_ As the King Tiger carrying his Leader passed his still sputtering Tiger she pointed down at him, "What are you waiting for, you lazy goon?" she shouted crossly into the radio, "Get that piece of junk moving!"

"_That's it!_" He reached up to pull off his headset and throw it down, "_I've had enough of your…_"

"Umm… Kyon-kun?" Kyon looked up in surprise at Mikuru, stunningly dressed as a Bavarian beer girl, who was looking down at him with a confused look. Looking across the room, Haruhi was glaring over the PC at him like he was an idiot, Itsuki at one of the laptops had his bright smile on with a trace of amusement in it, and Yuki expressionlessly looked at him while still furiously typing into her keyboard. He abashedly let down his empty hand as everyone stared at him.

Mikuru put on her usual warm smile. "Would you like some tea?" His head hit the desk, "_What the hell do I put myself through this_?"

* * *

**A/N: This is one of my many wacky ideas (One of the few that ever get typed up.) where I wanted to explore what it would happen if the SOS Brigade played Company of Heroes. And then I found the idea endlessly amusing and in some ways perversely fitting so I just had to share it! I'm interested to know what you all think so feel free to leave me feedback!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A Friendly Suggestion**

"That's outrageous!" Kyon sighed as Haruhi continued her tirade in the Student Council President's office. She pointed at him accusingly, "You cannot take what's mine away from me! I won them fair and square!"

"I find your cavalier attitude on the subject frankly disturbing," the Student Council President sternly replied from behind his desk. His dignified posture and interlocked fingers resting on his desk served to underscore his power, which was altogether excessive in Kyon's opinion, as he glared over his glasses at the Brigade chief. "The subjugation of one student club to another is completely unacceptable."

"They knew what they were getting into when we made our wager!"

Kyon came here as Haruhi's second while the President brought her in to account for her past misdeeds. He pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned in frustration; not that he could get a word in edgewise. Though, to be fair, even he hadn't thought that game would lead to more negative repercussions. "_I really should know better by now."_

"Whether or not the Computer Club brought this upon themselves," the President responded levelly, "I cannot allow the precedent of student afterschool organization belligerence toward their fellow students to stand. Competition for funds is fierce enough without rival groups attempting to subdue each other.

"And need I remind you," his voice gained a harder edge as the President reached for a set of files on his desk, "that your vaunted 'brigade' still only exists at the expense of the Literature Club." He neatly arrayed the papers in front of them so that their contents were clearly visible to both Kyon and Haruhi.

"I have here request forms from several our school's clubs for additional funding. And I can assure you they have all proved they deserve it. The challenge for me" he added darkly, "is to decide where will I pull those funds from?"

"_This guy's really got us in his crosshairs this time!_" Kyon thought with more than a little worry. "_If the Literature Club loses even a little money what will Yuki do about her hobby? No," _Kyon chided himself, "_not even Haruhi is callous enough to take away Yuki's precious books. Which means," _he speculated nervously, "_another crazy scheme to raise money; or worse," _Kyon protectively reached down into his pocket, "_more coming from my poor, abused wallet." _

He hung his head in despair, "_This situation is bleak no matter how it turns out!_"

Haruhi was gritting her teeth as she tried to think of a way out when she frustratedly turned to him and yelled out, "Damn it, Kyon! Say something!"

Kyon reeled back, "_And just what do you expect me to do about it?" _Then a gentle knock came at the door and Emiri Kimidori stepped into the room. The gentle and soft spoken secretary to the Student Council President politely bowed, "President, I've brought the young man you requested to see."

"Thank you, Ms. Kimidori," he responded dispassionately, "Please send him in."

"Hey," Haruhi shouted furiously, "we're not done here yet!"

"That's unfortunately true." He gestured for the plain looking young man wearing a school blazer to walk over.

"President," the newcomer bowed. "Have you reconsidered my proposal?"

"Yes and you may thank Ms. Kimidori for that." Everyone else in the room looked over to the girl pastel green hair standing beside the President who only smiled at them serenely. "Originally I was going to deal with this problem directly, as I was just discussing with the head of the offending party. Ms. Kimidori convinced me that your approach would be less confrontational and problematic…"

"Hang on one second!" Haruhi interrupted, "What proposal are you talking about?"

"And more importantly," Kyon added guardedly, "who is this guy_?_" After all, he could be working for any number of factions.

"Oh, now you get involved," Haruhi spat accusingly.

"_Shut up. Just be glad I'm helping you at all!"_

The President gestured to the newcomer, "If you would?"

"Well, as to who I am," the young man started awkwardly, scratching the back of his head nervously, "I'm a friend of one of the Computer Club members. I usually go by the name 'Munster' because that's what my friends call me."

"_Munster? As in the Munsters from that old American TV show?_" Kyon pondered wryly, "_If there was ever an obvious alias that would be it._"

"After my friend, who I will not name," _probably because he doesn't exist,_ "confided in me about what your group had done to them in the past, especially," he glanced over at Haruhi, "the actions of its leader," _whose reputation is such that forming such a vague accusation is painfully easy, _"I went to the President to confront him on the issue. He…"

Haruhi growled in irritation, "Hurry up and get to the point!"

He starred at her for a moment before saying, "She's exactly like he said she was." With a recomposing cough he continued, "I want to offer you a compromise." Haruhi folded her arms and starred him down while waiting impatiently. Nervously fidgeting with his neck tie he continued, "Since this all started with a wager we settle this with another."

"What are the terms of this wager?" the president asked with apparent disinterest.

"If the SOS Brigade loses you must relieve the Computer Club of their debt and stop bossing them around." At this Haruhi grimaced; they were among her most useful minions. "As well, you must agree to any change in Literature Club funding the President sees fit."

"What?" Haruhi started, "How could I possibly…"

The President held up a hand to silence her, "Think of it as an extra incentive to win."

"Then what are you putting on the table in exchange? After all," she continued in a strangely rational tone, like she was negotiating a trade agreement, "wagers should be equal in value for both sides." Kyon had to admit that he enjoyed being around her much more when she acted like there should be a modicum of civility in the world. Though for no other reason than sanity's sake, of course.

'Munster' seemed to relax at Haruhi's change in attitude, "Well here's what I consider a real incentive; aside from leaving your deal with the Computer Club alone," he gestured to the President, "the Student Council President will agree not to decrease the Literature Club's funding."

To his credit, a tick of the eyebrow was the President's only sign of surprise, his gaze never drifting from Haruhi, "I don't recall agreeing to this when we last spoke."

"I happen to agree with Ms. Suzumiha's sentiments," a smug smile swept Haruhi's face as she stared down the President. "Both sides need an equal stake in the outcome for this to work."

The Student Council President sat silent for a few heartbeats, his expression unreadable and his eyes hidden behind the glare on his glasses. Haruhi relished his hesitation, "Just think of it as extra incentive to win."

Kyon resisted the urge to sigh again, "_You really can't help but to gloat can you? Even if,"_ Kyon had to admit, "_he left himself wide open for it."_

"Very well," his words retaining their air of boredom, "I accept these terms. And you, Ms. Suzumiha?"

"Of course," Haruhi proudly exclaimed, "The SOS Brigade never backs down from a challenge!"

Which begged the obvious question Haruhi hadn't even considered yet, "And just how are we settling this challenge, exactly?"

"With a battle to the death." The nonchalant answer prompted an intense glare from the President as everyone stared at the young man with disturbed uncertainty. Abashed, 'Munster' offered, "Too dramatic, huh?"


End file.
